INTRODUCTION

This book “the Other Woman in Marriage” stresses on “Strange Women” and the marriage institution as a whole. As we read on, the terms “the Other Woman” and “Strange Woman” will be used interchangeably as they constitute major discourse.

Disagreements are common between married couples-including very happy ones, but it could be approached in variety of ways. The way and manner couples handle disagreements may well influence their long-term happiness and togetherness.

The ability to handle situations in your marriage makes you a real husband and not a man. There are plenty men out there and there are husbands out there, too. Husbands are those who know what marriage is all about. They know the biblical definition of marriage – marriage is beautiful and is ordained by God.

Shying away from your responsibilities as a husband only makes you vulnerable to these Strange Women. Problems are inevitable in a marriage no matter how anointed you are. In fact, problems are spices that garnish the marriage. If well handled, it strengthens the marriage - it brings understanding, maturity and unity into the marriage. There must be a problem before victory – you can’t be a victor over nothing.

On the other hand, if a problem is not well managed or handled in a marriage, it could escalate and give birth to grief, fight, disunity etc.. The moment there is grief, fight and disunity in a home, God’s presence ceases to exist in that home and that gives room to the devil to be in charge. It is either God or the devil – the choice is yours.

Conflict is common and some of us have had a plateful of it in our marriages to be sincere. Although some of our experiences have not been pretty, but we must stand gallant always for our marriage to flourish.

We all know that marriage involves two people from different backgrounds, cultures, beliefs and personalities. Some with awful habits, interesting idiosyncrasies, gluttony, snoring devices, bunch of expectations and with the much heat of daily trials of life, we are bound to have conflict unavoidably.

Since every marriage has its tensions, it is a question of how to deal with the situations as conflict can lead to a process that develops oneness or division. You and your spouse must behave maturely when conflict occurs as divorce is not an option for Christians.

Marriage offers a tremendous opportunity to do something about selfishness and self-centeredness. We have seen the Bible’s plan work in our lives and we’re still seeing it work daily. The answer for ending selfishness is found in Jesus and His teachings-He showed us that instead of wanting to be served, we must serve. We must love our spouses as much as we love ourselves. Consequently, if we want to defeat conflict, we must give up, give in, and give all.

Strange Women are beckoned by our attitude or character of selfishness and self-centeredness in marriage. We invite them by our actions. Going to drinking joints as a husband and head of the house because you claim to be the tail that wags the big dog is one of the ways you invite these women into your life and your marriage.

My late friend, Mr. Elo Abiegbe, had the opportunity to review scientific evidence before his death on the consequences of marriage for adults with one of the leading Universities in world and what he found was so remarkable. Quietly, with little fanfare, a broad and deep body of scientific literature has been accumulating that affirms what Genesis teaches; “it is not good for a man to be alone nor woman neither”.

Marriage today is often seen as a consumption item - a financial burden and for that singular reason many refused to be married and are now doing it the other way round – something that kindled God’s anger to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.

Especially for men, marriage is a productive institution as important as education in boosting a man's earnings. Marriage is good, beautiful and it is ordained by God to succeed and your marriage will succeed in Jesus name.

CHAPTER 1

THE GENESIS

A young vibrant and intelligent Gideon got married to his lovely wife and from a humble and little beginnings, God began to bless them. ^“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.” Zechariah 4:10.

Proverbs 18:22 tells us that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord”. Truly speaking, Gideon obtained favour from the Lord and began to flourish in all spheres of life. His salary was increased simultaneously by his boss and his wife. He wasn’t a graduate then but tried a Walk-In Interview advertised in the Daily Trust News papers precisely and he was favoured among graduates and the job was given him. In less than eight (8) months, his former boss called him that his salary would be reviewed upwards, if he could only come back and work for him. Gideon’s former boss did not just review his salary but also gave him an appointment in National Assembly as a Legislative Aide. He started earning double salary.

He got admission into a university to study Business Administration and at the same time studied Computer Science in a state owned polytechnic.

His first car was a gift. He bought a second one for his wife. God so favoured Gideon that he became a private secretary to a state governor.

He was so hardworking, faithful in his duties with gung-ho manner, but started having issues at home with his wife. These issues escalated to a level that he could no longer feel comfortable at home anymore and started keeping late nights. He was faithful to his wife but his faith began to dwindle as a result of many issues in his marriage. My brothers and sisters, do not allow issues in your marriage to overwhelm you – it could make you lose focus and your marriage because that is what the devil wants.

One weekend as Gideon was driving to school (private lectures), a Kalabari lady named Ruth, tall, chocolate in complexion and plumpy with big oval blue-eyed from the same university joined him. That was the first day they met as one Mr. Abdul that introduced Gideon to his private lecture’s centre wanted to introduce Ruth to same lecture centre as well.

They greeted and did a brief introduction. Ruth began to like Gideon because he bears the same name with her father; Gideon is tall, dark in complexion, slim, cute and a soft-spoken fellow with a hard cheekbones; a wide, square Jawbones. He noticed these feelings from her expression and told her that he was married with children to avoid false hopes and any involvement. However, her love for Gideon grew since they attended lectures in the same centre and coincidentally lived in the same axis of the city. Although Ruth was sad that people she loves so much were always married- she felt that life is unfair to her. Ruth never stopped professing her love for Gideon.

As they were going home from one of their weekend lectures, Gideon took Ruth to her house and spent some time discussing school and life issues generally with her. They talked about lectures, students that were there just for the fun, lecturers – One Mr. Moses who was so jovial with students of his department and a particular lecturer with funny pronunciations that thrilled students – he pronounces Sociology “shochiologi” and also their private lives were not left out in their discussion as the laughed constantly inside the car while deliberately having body contact often, but Ruth did not allow Gideon into her house -the reason was that from 6:00pm, she does not allow men into her house. Gideon was amazed to see such a beautiful lady in this our generation and in a tertiary institution where most girls explore life to its fullest still behave virtuously.

Gideon visited Ruth one Sunday before going for lectures and met her in the kitchen cooking and she said to him “mi casa es su casa” meaning my house is your house-a greeting to guests similar to "make yourself at home”. He assisted her in cutting some vegetables, carrots and they expressed love for each other strongly like Romeo and Juliet - Gideon held her tightly, bending over her as they stood in the kitchen, pressed his lips to hers and the cat was let loose. Gideon and Ruth shared common features; they were both last born of their respective families; from families of three; the South-South region of Nigeria and they both had feelings for each other as though they were related.

Owing to the challenges at Gideon’s home as at that time, it was easy for them to start a relationship to the detriment of his marriage. Gideon’s wife Nancy is fair in complexion, average in height, long-haired, beautiful like an Angel, has a strong mother tongue, churchy, but irresistible extrovert. Although she has given birth to two children through Cesarean Section (CS)-you can hardly discern. She started complaining and nagging when she noticed her husband’s infidelity - she found Ruth’s picture in her husband’s car pigeonhole. But Gideon told her that she pushed him into it.

Finally, that led to incessant physical confrontation between the once jolly couple. In one of their many fights, Nancy refused the husband to go to work as she padlocked the door and hid the key –until her husband’s boss called. Nancy picked the phone and in one breath told him everything “he is cheating on me Sir” - he is always home less and less often, and when he did come home, there were more social media chats and conversations on the telephone with the Other Woman. He did not have time to play with the children nor help them with their “homework” anymore. She then broke-down in tears.

“Madam, release him for me I beg of you and I will take care of the situation, I promise.” These were the exact words of Gideon’s boss.

Gideon’s boss immediately called his wife – telling her all that has transpired. Gideon calls his boss’s wife (Mummy), respects her so much as a mother and speaks to her in awe whenever she calls the office. In response, she told her husband “Eyaaaaaa, poor amateur boy – he didn’t know that his boss is the inventor of these games, he would have played better”.

People do not just fall – there is usually a trigger. Even athletes that do fall, don’t just fall; something must cause their fall. Now, Gideon finally showed up in his office and was perplexed as faces were staring at him. But though his professional life was booming, his marital life was a bust. Marriage is ordained by God. We live in a society today that has little regard for the honour and sanctity of marriage as God designed it. One of the familiar verses in the Bible is Matthew 19:6. That passage contains the Words of Jesus with regard to marriage. "What therefore God has joined together let no man separate."

This divine principle needs to be applied to the crumbling standards in the marital sphere. It is high time that the beautiful and expressive words of Ephesians 5:31-33 be a daily reminder in the hearts of every married couple:

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. This mystery is great: but I am speaking concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband."

Notice how Paul contrasted the nature and responsibilities of marriage with the marriage of Adam and Eve (Gen. 2:18-24) in order to substantiate what has always been true from the beginning.

This scripture points out that marriage is a divine institution. It was designed by and originated from God. God created for Adam what was needed for his marriage-one woman. Paul stated that each man was to have his own wife and each woman was to have her own husband.

This monogamous relationship is not having one husband or one wife at a time. The principle of monogamy is one man for one woman for life. Marriage is a permanent bond between a man and woman and is intended to last until death.

Marriage is a divine institution with a purpose. If I am to choose one word above all others to convey the intent of marriage, I would choose the word companionship. Married partners are to leave all others and cleave to each other. Genesis 2:18 says: "Then the Lord God said, 'It is NOT good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him”. Your spouse is the perfect match God has given you and not the Other Woman (Strange Woman).

There is nothing special about the Other Woman – it is just the lust of the flesh, eyes and a trap of the devil to capture and enslave you.

Gideon maintained his relationship with Ruth but started having problem with her when he saw a text message on her phone telling a man “I am on my way to your house but get a CD (condom) ready”.

Whatever you sow, you shall reap – a natural low of sowing and reaping. Marriage is the oldest institution, extending back to the Garden of Eden. According to the scriptures, God made man and then God made the woman, and subsequently “He brought her to the man” (Gen. 2:22); thus, marriage is ordained by God and was initiated by Him at the time of creation. Properly understood, therefore, marriage is Theistic: it is of God not man.

In marriage, two become one, NOT three. The “two” being a man and a woman. Not the man, the woman and the Other Woman. The “one” being the relationship that is formed by the two, a relationship that is comprehensive and profound. For this relationship, God has established principles that are to govern it. By their acceptance and implementation, these principles are to enhance the coming together of the two. Once you miss these principles, you are heading for destruction. The devil targets the marriage for numerous reasons, either to get the man, the woman, their careers, finances or their lives.

Marriage is neither a human invention nor an evolutionary development. Its origin resides in the mind of God as part of His plan for the first couple, a man and a woman, and subsequent couples (you and I) who would come to populate the earth. Properly understood, marriage is of God and is not merely a social contract between two people; you and your wife become one – God is the only mathematician who can add one plus one and still get one (1+1=1). So whatever you are doing to your wife or your husband, you are equally doing it to yourself.

Gideon broke his wife’s heart and in return, Ruth broke his heart in many ways. I use his story as an example to help us understand how Strange Women operate and the adverse effect it could have in one’s marriage, career, finances etc.. Some people learn from other people’s mistakes and some learn from their own mistakes. But I tell you, it is far better to learn from other people’s mistakes.

In summary, Gideon lost his job as a private secretary to a state governor, lost all his property, his marriage as well and as a result of all he had lost, wanted to commit suicide because the devil kept drumming in his ears that he is a failure.