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Wednesday 7 September 2016

CAUSES AND PROBLEMS OF BROKEN PRE-MARITAL RELATIONSHIP AMONG PEOPLE LIVING WITH DISABILITY IN KWARA STATE, NIGERIA



CHAPTER ONE

INTRODUCTION


1.1  Background to the Study

A person can be considered disabled if he or she has a condition that affects the ability to function without assistance at a level needed to maintain his well-being (Purse, 1998). This shows that such a person with disability may not be able to perform things in a normal way, hence needs an adaptive aid to perform what others can do normally. Different societies have their own definitions of disability. By adding “dis” to the ability of some people due to their impairment, disability is the  idealist product of societal development within a specific cultural context (Priestley, 1998).

Definitions of disability have not been straightforward. Impairment, disability and handicap are commonly used as related terms. Lewis (1995) summarised the distinction:

“Impairment is a neutral term to mean the loss of structure or function (such as hearing loss).Disability is the impact of the impairment (for example, poor speech may be the result of a hearing loss). Handicap is the impact of the impairment or disability as a result of other` negative evaluation of it (for example poor speech becomes a handicap if it causes others to be patronising).”

This partially corresponds to World Health Organization’s definition of a disability which is any restriction or lack (resulting from an impairment) of ability to perform an activity in the manner of or within the range considered normal for a human being (Barnes, 2003).


 However, increasing number of people with disabilities argue that it is an inadequate definition of their experience. They reject the notions of “normal” for a human being, positing that some degree of impairment is normal for most human beings at some point in their lives and that the restrictions and deprivations experienced by disabled people actually arise from the assumption that they are outside the norm; that their lives should be organised and managed by institutions outside the mainstream until such time as they are able (through rehabilitation or cure) to regain an approximation of normality and, therefore, to have their needs catered for through mainstream provision once more (Hurst, 1995).

A person with disability is presented to people as a personal tragedy or impaired body. In general terms, disability is construed as an individual misfortune (Zammit, 2009). This make some people tend to avoid relating with such an individual. People have long neglected the need for intimacy and sex relationship with people living with disabilities. This makes it very difficult for disabled people to express their need for intimate relationship and finding a suitable life partner which is one of the most important things in life (Daily Health Reviews, 2008).


Relationships usually involve some level of interdependence. People in a relationship tend to influence each other, share their thoughts and feelings, and engage in activities together. However, because of this interdependence, most things that have changed or impacted on one member of the relationship will have some level of impact on the other member (Weber, 1998). These influences ensure compatibility and stability which makes one feel intoxicated and thinking of the relationship being everlasting.

 On the other hand, a failure or lack of ability to influence one another may make one feel something is wrong, as it gets stronger, it may lead to the total breakdown in the relationship that will have an effect either on one partner or all the people involved.


In the views of many writers like Jones and Burdette (1994), Weber (1998) and Willingham (2009) noted that relationship is based on three important words which are love, communication and respect which are all key components necessary for every good relationship. Absence of one of the three may lead to a broken relationship (Willingham, 2009). Also, Kalsow and Robinson (1996) stated that relationship goes along with life commitment, love and religious commitment and value.

Broken pre-marital relationships are taking place all over the society and it shows that a break up is one of the sad realities of life. Many times, one wonders which is worse; staying in an unhappy relationship or broken relationship. Either way, it is a deep personal loss, a shattering experience that can force one into temporary depression or permanent harm (Sonia, 2010). It has caused many breakdowns in friendships and has prevented some intimate relationships from leading to marriage. Salami (1999), opined that instability in relationship is one of the oldest problems in human history. This starts from quarrelling and fighting between both partners which later leads to the end of such relationship. Relationship breakdown occurs most often because one or both of the partners do not have the skills to make the relationship work harmoniously (Keenan, 2010). It goes from temporary to permanent when one or both of the partners are unwilling to learn new ways of relating to each other.


 According to Chinwe (2010), the chance of either a man or woman to cause a break up in relationship is like giving birth to male or female child. This means it can be either of the two partners that will cause the breakdown in the relationship sometime even without signals or any reasons. In some, there are series of warning signals and signs indicating the approach to the termination of the relationship.

There are many other factors that can lead to break down in any relationship. One of these is the level of communication that exists between the partners. Good relationships are based upon good communication. Mutual understanding creates these relationships and they become stronger as the understanding increases. Once both partners understand the hidden signs and the precise meaning of what is being said or done (e.g. keeping quiet) they will develop a healthy relationship. On the other hand, one feels irritated when what is communicated is misunderstood. Here lies the relation between bad communication and relationships. The level of commitment of both partners to the relationship may have an adverse effect on the relationship. This can create a gap in the communication and lead to break down in the relationship. This happens when one partner is half committed to the relationship (Joe, and JLM & Associates, 2007). Relationship breakdown occurs most often because one or both of the partners do not have the skills to make the relationship work harmoniously (Keenan, 2010).

In present time, the rate at which relationships are being broken is however, an alarming one. Hurley (2005) stated that the rate of broken relationships have increased in United States, Britain, South Africa to mention but a few countries.
 
Also, according to United States annual review on sociology, they reported that 55% of different-sex cohabiters do marry within five years of moving together while 40% break up within that same period. However, people with physical disability are not left out of this painful experience.
This is as a result of many taboos attached to relating with anybody with physical or mental disability which makes people to have many negative attitudes that have some effects on any relationship they tend to establish (Bacquer & Sharma, 1997). Since ancient times, people with disabilities were neglected and not helped or aided in any way whatsoever. There are a handful of ancient individuals who believed that one's injuries or disabilities were caused by an evil spirit, therefore inciting individuals to keep their distance from the disabled (Voton, 2010). These preconceived ideas are still in people’s mind and it affects the relationships with people that have disability. Even to an extent that people with disability have negative attitudes towards themselves.


Fine and Asch (2000) described a set of assumptions about disability that shapes one’s attitudes towards it.

-It is often assumed that disability is located solely in biology, and thus disability is accepted uncritically as an independent variable.

-When a disabled person faces problems, it is assumed that the impairment causes them.

-It is assumed that disability is central to the disabled person’s self-concept, self-definition, social comparisons, and reference groups.

 -It is assumed that having disability is synonymous with needing help and social support.

Disabled people have historically come to regard themselves as less than normal and less capable than others, internalising this into self-pity, self-hate and shame, creating a false consciousness (Charlton, 2000; Grealy, 1997). This tends to affect their sexual relationship with others.

Anderson and Kitchin (2000) described cultural representations of disabled people as "sick and sexless" that is supported and sustained by a set of myths. Myths in relation to disability and sexuality include disabled people being asexual, that is lacking a biological sex drive, being unable to partake in sexual activity, and that disabled people (particularly those with a developmental/ intellectual disability) lack the requisite social judgment to behave sexually in a socially responsible manner.

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