EXCERPTS FROM “THE OTHER WOMAN IN MARRIAGE”
THE “OTHER WOMAN IN
MARRIAGE”
Copyright
© 2015 by:
Israel Onoriode Ugbo
ISBN: 978-978-942-626-3
Published By: P & J Limited
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All scripture quotations are
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INTRODUCTION
This book “the Other Woman in Marriage” stresses on “Strange
Women” and the marriage institution. As we read on, the terms “the Other Woman”
and “Strange Woman” will be used interchangeably as they constitute major
discourse.
Disagreements
are common between married couples-including very happy ones, but it could be
approached in variety of ways. The way and manner couples handle disagreements
may well influence their long-term happiness and togetherness.
The ability to handle situations in your marriage makes you a real
husband and not a man. There are plenty men out there and there are
husbands out there, too. Husbands are those who know what marriage is all
about.
Shying away from your responsibilities as a husband only makes you
vulnerable to these Strange Women. Problems are inevitable in a marriage
no matter how anointed you are. In fact, problems are spices that garnish
the marriage. If well handled, it strengthens the marriage - it brings
understanding, maturity and unity into the marriage. There must be a problem
before victory – you can’t be a victor over nothing.
On the other hand, if a problem is not well managed or handled in
a marriage, it could escalate and give birth to grief, fight, disunity
etc.. Conflict
is common and some of us have had a plateful of it in our marriages. Although some of our experiences have not
been pretty, but we must stand gallant always for our marriage to flourish.
We all know that marriage involves two people
from different backgrounds-some with awful habits, interesting idiosyncrasies,
gluttony, snoring devices, bunch of expectations and with the much heat of
daily trials of life, we are bound to have conflict unavoidably.
Since every marriage has its tensions, it is a
question of how to deal with the
situations as conflict can lead to a process that develops
oneness or division. You and your spouse must behave maturely when
conflict occurs as divorce is not an option for Christians.
Strange Women are beckoned by our attitude or character of
selfishness and self-centeredness in marriage. We invite them by our
actions. Going to drinking joints as a husband and head of the house
because you claim to be the tail that wags the big dog is one of the ways you
invite these women into your life and your marriage. Marriage today is often
seen as a consumption item - a financial burden and for that singular reason
many refused to be married and are now doing it the other way round – something
that kindled God’s anger to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.
THE
GENESIS (Chapter 1)
A young vibrant and intelligent
Gideon got married to his lovely wife and from a humble and little beginnings,
God began to bless them. “Do not despise these
small beginnings, for the Lord
rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.” Zechariah 4:10.
Proverbs
18:22 tells us that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord”. Truly speaking, Gideon obtained favour from the Lord and
began to flourish in all spheres of life.
He was so
hardworking, faithful in his duties with gung-ho manner, but started having
issues at home with his wife. These
issues escalated to a level that he could no longer feel comfortable at home
anymore and started keeping late nights.
One weekend as
Gideon was driving to school (private lectures), a Kalabari lady named Ruth,
tall, chocolate in complexion and plumpy with big oval blue-eyed from the same
university joined him. They greeted and
did a brief introduction.
Ruth began to like
Gideon because he bears the same name with her father; Gideon is tall, dark in
complexion, slim, cute and a soft-spoken fellow with a hard cheekbones; a wide,
square Jawbones. He noticed these
feelings from her expression and told her that he was married with children to
avoid false hopes and any involvement.
However, her love for Gideon grew since they attended lectures in the
same centre and coincidentally lived in the same axis of the city. Although Ruth was sad that people she loves
so much were always married- she felt that life is unfair to her. Ruth never stopped professing her love for
Gideon.
Gideon visited Ruth
one Sunday before going for lectures and met her in the kitchen cooking and she
said to him “mi casa es su casa”
meaning my house is your house-a greeting to guests similar to "make
yourself at home”.
He assisted her in cutting some vegetables, carrots and they expressed
love for each other strongly like Romeo and Juliet - Gideon held her tightly,
bending over her as they stood in the kitchen, pressed his lips to hers and the
cat was let loose. Owing to the
challenges at Gideon’s home as at that time, it was easy for them to start a
relationship to the detriment of his marriage.
Gideon’s wife Nancy is fair in complexion, average in height, long-haired,
beautiful like an Angel, has a strong mother tongue, churchy, but irresistible
extrovert.
Although she has
given birth to two children through Cesarean Section (CS)-you can hardly
discern. She started complaining and
nagging when she noticed her husband’s infidelity - she found Ruth’s picture in
her husband’s car pigeonhole.
Finally, that led
to incessant physical confrontation between the once jolly couple. In one of their many fights, Nancy refused
the husband to go to work as she padlocked the door and hid the key –until her
husband’s boss called. Nancy picked the phone and in one breath told him
everything “he is cheating on me Sir” - he
is always home less and less often, and when he did come home, there were more
social media chats and conversations on the telephone with the Other
Woman. He did not have time to play with
the children nor help them with their “homework” anymore. She then broke-down
in tears.
“Madam, release him for me I beg of you and I will take care of
the situation, I promise.” These were the exact words of
Gideon’s boss.
A
PAINFUL DIVORCE (Chapter 5)
Some
divorce stories are really, really sad, confusing, outrageous, infuriating and
horrifically shocking. But, I have found that there are some that we can learn
from the experiences and grow. It’s
never easy when a marriage ends. Whatever the reason for the split may have
been, and whether we wanted it or not, divorce can turn our whole world upside
down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings.
Divorce hurts so much- is painful because it
represents loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and
commitments. When a romantic marriage
that began on a high note of excitement and hope for the future failed, it
brings profound disappointment, stress, and grief. A divorce brings uncertainty
about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find
someone else? Will you end up alone? What is the Word of God saying about this
whole divorce of a thing? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy
relationship.
Even
though most marriages were "broken" long before the time of the
divorce, there was still the companionship of having the physical presence of
your partner. So, learning to be alone, forming new friendships, and finding a
new home can be frightening, exhausting and frustrating.
A TRUE DIVORCE STORY AS TOLD BY THE
HUSBAND
I
got home that night as my wife served dinner; I held her hand and said, I've
got something to tell you. She sat down
and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know
how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a
divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words,
instead she smiled benevolently and asked me softly, why? I avoided her
question. This made her angry. She threw away the cutleries and shouted at me-
you are not a man-wuuuu! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was
weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I
could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane (THE
OTHER WOMAN). ……………(Get the complete book for the rest of the story)
KNOWING
WHO TO MARRY (Chapter 6)
You don’t just have
to marry anybody, anyhow or from anywhere just because there is much pressure
from your family and friends. Knowing
the will of God is a serious issue in Christian marriage. Many Christians marry without knowing what the
will of God is for their marriage. I have heard people say that as long as you
do not marry an unbeliever, you have fulfilled the will of God for your
marriage. No wonder Christian divorce rate is soaring like those of the people
of the world.
Though people are counting
the birthdays you have celebrated and mocking you that it is too late for you
to get married, but hear me when I say – God’s time is never too late.
Take this bitter truth from me.
It is not everybody that you see in the church that is a true believer. They
may proclaim Christianity, sing in the choir, join the evangelism team, and
even preach in the pulpit as a minister, but they may be far from God. As a
matter of fact, many agent of the devil actually abounds in the church; they’ve
proliferated the churches of God and are working evil. They may be handsome
brothers or beautiful sisters; you can’t know them by their faces or skin
colour …………..(Get
the complete book for the rest of the story)
.
Azuka is a son of a
multi millionaire man from Anabara State.
He lives a wayward life of drinking, gambling, stealing, womanizing –
the list goes on. He fell in love with Ada-a
dedicated Christian sister and told her that he wants to marry her but Ada said
to him - I cannot marry you because you don’t know Christ and unless you are
born again. Azuka told Ada that he is ready to accept Christ which he later
did. He followed Ada to the church, gave
his life to Christ after the sermon with tears rolling down his cheeks and
convinced her with his conducts that he was genuinely born again.
Ada believed him
and they got wedded in the church against the counsel of the church
leaders. In less than three months, Azuka
went back to his wayward life of drinking, gambling, stealing, womanizing etc. and
when Ada asked him, what are you doing - I thought you have confessed Christ
and let go of the past? He answered her
that “marriage is for better and for worse”……………….(Get the complete book for the rest of the story)
We are too much in
a hurry to wait upon the Lord or hear from Him.
We make hasty conclusions that “I
have found him/her whom my soul loveth, I held him/her and will not let go”. Our actions are driven by hallucination
and even when we see signs and
warnings from people that this marriage will not work, we refused to listen
because we are too stiff-necked.
Here is a pathetic story
of sister Cynthia - her life starts out like the end of a romantic novel. She married a handsome man (Paul) who
promised to make her life happy and exciting………….. (Get the complete book for the rest of the story)
Your choice in a spouse is one of the most important
decisions you will ever make and It’s also one of the few that so greatly
impacts the rest of your life. It’s no wonder that people are concerned with
knowing who to marry.
“Knowing who to marry is very important in the quest
of a life
partner – not just kissing every frog
hoping it will
turn to a prince or princess.”
HOW GOD
FEELS ABOUT DIVORCE (Charter 7)
Surfing the net one day, I
found an article on “key ways to be rich”-hmmmmm. In one of the highlights, I read about how
women could be rich- marry a wealthy man, settle down with him for like a year
plus, divorce him and be entitled to part of his wealth. Can you imagine that – it is happening right
now even as you are reading this book.
People have been brainwashed to
get a divorce paper, serve their spouses and be detached to enjoy life, that “Life is too short - they don’t need all
those quandaries in marriage”. In
fact, in that article were examples of celebrities that were victims and more
on the row of such divorce.
God ordained the institution of
marriage to be a solemn covenant between one man and one woman for life. God
warns us in Scripture about the danger of entering into this covenant
half-heartedly.
Divorce cases are on the rise here
in Africa and the rest of the world. Politicians,
celebrities, business moguls and even the anointed men and women of God are
increasingly divorcing. What a shame. The question now is; do we still have
beliefs, norms and values?
No matter how badly two people
disagree, they can still find some middle ground. Sometimes what’s needed is
for each to put his or her pride and selfishness aside and defer to the other.
On very rare occasions, there may be irreconcilable differences, but quite
often those that appear to be, can be resolved.
I believe most of us studied
Peace and Conflict Resolution in the University as a course? Fine – bring that
knowledge into your marriage and make it work. You may ask me how! For
instance, your spouse has an inbuilt latest snoring device – depriving you from
sleeping every night and this is causing some sort of conflict in your
marriage. The Peace and Conflict Resolution knowledge will help you stay awake
while he or she snores, then you can continue your sleep from where he or she
stops - hahahahaha. Make it fun and not
a boring marriage. In few months, that
snoring device will be like a soft Classical or Jazz music that you will enjoy
while sleeping.
The overriding principle is
that once two people have committed to each other, they should stay together
and learn to get along, no matter how hard it is. Concerning the subject of divorce, Malachi 2:16 states very clearly how
God felt about it. " 'For I hate
divorce,' says the Lord, the God of Israel, 'and him who covers his garment
with wrong,' says the Lord of Host. 'So take heed to your spirit, that you do
not deal treacherously'."
Please, don’t give up on your
marriage.
SAVE A MARRIAGE BY
PICKING A COPY OF THIS BOOK FOR PEOPLE THAT ARE HAVING CHALLENGES IN THEIR
MARRIAGES.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Israel
Onoriode Ugbo hails from Isoko South Local Government Area of Delta State,
Nigeria. He is an Administrator with over 15 years of experience in both
private and public sectors of the Nigerian economy. He is a soft-spoken fellow, a linguist,
singer and song writer. He has interests
in writing, music, ICT and fish farming.
He was inspired by the Holy Spirit to write this book – THE “OTHER WOMAN IN MARRIAGE” from real life stories as it
has become a matter of concern to the society. He is married with children.
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